By CJ Cassidy
PATTON, MO (KFVS) - The murder of 48-year-old Pamela Ackman shocked everyone in the small town of Patton, in Bollinger County.
Even more shocking, police say the suspects in the shooting turned out to be two boys staying with the Ackmans, 17-year-old John Wilfong and a nine-year-old.
Mickey Ackman tells Heartland News he has good days and bad days and he still feels like he's caught in the middle of a nightmare.
But, even though he wants the boys to pay for allegedly taking his wife away from him.
The former pastor says deep down he still loves them, and that makes the entire situation so much harder.
"Best thing I'm hanging on to is when she looked at me, I kissed her and told her I loved her and that's the last time I got to talk to her," Mickey said.
Soon afterward on December 30th, Mickey Ackman would head home and find the body of his wife in a pool of blood. She had been shot several times.
"To see my wife two hours before, it was like walking into a nightmare," he recalled.
Speaking to Heartland News at his mother's home in Bollinger County, Ackman says he can't believe the two children he and his wife loved so much could be capable of so much violence.
"I was told they wanted out," he said. "I couldn't understand. Out of what? Out of the care, the love, the respect we had for the boys? All we wanted to show them was all the love we had."
Authorities charged John Wilfong with first-degree murder, but little is known about the nine year old also suspected in the case.
Mickey Ackman remembers the boy talking to his wife on her cellphone, shortly before she returned home that fateful day.
"He asked her 'When are you going to be home?' She said 'I'll be home in a little bit' and he said 'OK' Then she said 'See you in a little bit. I love you.' And he said 'I love you too.'"
According to court papers, the juvenile kept a lookout for Pamela Ackman's return home, and that's when Wilfong allegedly admits to gunning her down.
"You take a life and as unkind as they were, no remorse, I absolutely agree the death penalty," Mickey said. "I don't think it's going to happen, as long as they're off the street where people can watch them, that's fine with me."
For now, Ackman says he's focusing on the love he shared with his beloved Pamela; a love he says will help guide him through his pain and suffering.
"Even through all this, I love the boys," he said. "I don't like what they done. I hated what they done. I hated them at one point, but God teaches us not to hate but to forgive. They didn't hurt my wife, they hurt everyone around them."
Mickey Ackman says he and his wife had planned on adopting both boys eventually.
He now plans on being in court to see what happens next.
In the meantime, he's having some difficulty paying for funeral expenses.